Why doesn’t he make a move?
He’s saying all the right things, so why isn’t he “all over you” once you meet in person?
Author: Chris Blonk
Why doesn’t he make a move to get physical? He’s texting you all the right things, yet when he meets up it’s just a friendly conversation and he never attempts to kiss or sleep with you. Let’s explore why this may happen, and what you can do about it. You’ll see real-life examples of men telling their side of the story.
Reason 1: He does not know if you really like him
Here’s a real-life example from one guy who asks for advice on Reddit (the highlights are my own):
So I've been on 3 "dates" with this girl I like, but I still haven't kissed her or made a move. It’s been a weird relationship so far, and I can’t tell what she wants. On the first date we met at my place and watched a movie, but we just talked the whole time. She had to leave early because she said she was ditching her friend and felt bad about it. At this point, I figured she wasn't interested, but we ended up having a second date […] We both had an awesome time but ended it with a big hug. Today we just had our third date. Originally it was supposed to be dinner and drinks last night, but she had something come up and suggested a walk in the park today instead. We walked for a couple of hours, and again, it ended in just a hug and she said "It was great hanging out with you." - Reddit user jjr23231
Link to the original post
As you can see from this post, some men might be clueless if you’re interested. This is especially likely if it’s not clear whether you’re on a date or just hanging out, or you have accidentally shown him some signs of disinterest in the past. Some men also doubt their attractiveness. They can’t wrap their heads around the idea that a woman is attracted to them and that she wants to get physical.
Possible solutions
Give him more consistent signs that you’re interested
Clarify whether you’re on a date, or just hanging out as friends
Instead of waiting for him to initiate, you can make the first move
Reason 2: He is afraid of rejection
Whenever a man is on a date, and he wants to try to move things toward hugging, kissing, sex, etc. he risks rejection. You can say “no” to any of his attempts. If he likes you, getting that “no” can deeply hurt his feelings and make him assume that you’re not interested in him. It can be the end of the date and your budding relationship. One common strategy men use to avoid rejection is to spend more time with you, to ensure that you like them, before they make a move to get physical. Below is a post from a man talking about this problem in his Reddit post (the highlights are my own):
Fear of kissing someone and being horrible
I (21M) only kissed once and it was like 6 years ago. I have this girl that I like very much, and when I asked her out, she gave me some excuses, like "We are friends, I do not want to ruin it". I asked her how could ruin it, and said "IF our kiss doesn’t match" I am seeing her a lot and I think she is changing her mind. I will try to make a move on her pretty soon, but I’m afraid that I will be a terrible kisser and lose my chance with her. - Reddit user Cainelso
Possible solutions
Let him know, either directly or subtly, that you don’t judge a guy harshly based on his performance when it comes to kissing or sex.
Reassure him that he doesn’t have to worry about rejection.
Try to be more direct with letting him know that you want to get physical.
Reason 3: He is not sure if he’s into you
This can be for multiple reasons. Perhaps he doesn’t find you attractive enough. Here you can read about what makes a woman attractive according to science. This is often a matter of personal taste. You may be very attractive to a lot of men, but for whatever reason, he is not sure if he’s interested. This may be due to a personality mismatch, a values mismatch, or a particular preference for certain physical traits. Keep in mind that the reason he keeps texting you, and asking you out, may be because
He may still be trying to figure out if there’s potential here.
He may enjoy your attention because it can boost his self-esteem.
He may not have anything better to do (he feels bored or lonely).
Below is an example of a 23-year-old guy who shares his story where he explains going on several dates with a girl despite not being sure if he’s interested in her. Highlights are my own.
I'm not sure if I'm into her
We […] have had 4 dates, the first was a fire at a friend’s house and the last 3 have been movies at her place.
I'm just not sure I'm into her, she's an extremely nice person, but I feel like I initiate everything when we're together and it is frustrating. It's not that she isn't into me, because when I start kissing her she welcomes it, and she texts me first thing every day. I just like it when the girl I'm dating makes moves.
But that's the thing, she isn't really on my mind at all when we're not together. The last time we hung out, right before I left to go see her I was thinking "Why am I doing this? I'd rather just sit here at home and not go spend time with her". It was something to do I guess.
I don't think it’s because I don't know a whole lot about her, again, in the last serious relationship I had I was ecstatic to see her and didn't even know what movies she liked or what she wanted to do when she graduated college.
Should I just end this? I feel like my gut and heart can't agree and it's stressing me out. - Anonymous Reddit user
Possible solutions
End things with him and attempt to find someone else who is truly into you.
Reduce your investment and time into the relationship, until he makes up his mind.
Ask him to openly share his concerns regarding why he is hesitant with you. Sometimes, a talk can clear things up and lead to a breakthrough that moves the relationship forward.
Too long, didn’t read
So why doesn’t he make a move? There could be many reasons why a guy is hesitant when it comes to getting physical with you. Usually, it’s due to his insecurities, but it could also be that he is not sure about his feelings for you. The main solution usually involves being more direct and forward yourself, or asking him why he is hesitating. I wish you the very best of luck in your situation.
